16 August 2012

No One Should Live Here

People have probably thought that about most places they live.

I'll focus on America, because that's the only country I'm aware of existing.

"No one should live" in New Orleans because it's basically in a giant bowl that collects water. That's probably true of most low-lying coastal land.

"No one should live" in the places that hurricanes hit year after year, except for the years that they don't. So that takes the eastern sea board right out of the picture.

I'm getting tired of typic quotes for emphasis so pretend they're still there. This was starting to look like a chain letter.

If it gets so fucking hot that people die every summer, don't live there either. That nixes anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line that hasn't already been exempted by hurricanes and flooding.

But don't forget about the Dust Bowl - even though tornadoes can hit most places there's a pretty big concentration of them in that part of the country. It basically runs from Texas up through North Dakota. So you can fuck right off if you want to live there. 'Cause of the tornadoes.

West Coast: You're out. Earthquakes. You understand. Probably Washington can stay.

The stupid, empty desert states are already out because it regularly climbs up to a hundred and hell but I feel like I really need to emphasize that point.

Wildfires are generally tied to drought and high temperatures so that's like a bunch of extra strikes against California. And Texas. Also they happen in Colorado but not with the alarming regularity of other states. Colorado stays.

Do blizzards count? According to a page I just skimmed, blizzards have killed upwards of 100 people a year, depending on how bad they are. I kind of feel like a blizzard carries the same "will kill you" factor as a heat wave if you're not prepared... so that takes off the entire American northeast.

Maybe Washington and Idaho? Just not the Washington coast.

So everyone should go ahead and pack up for beautiful Idaho. Except, then the dysentary starts.

I guess the solution is to acknowledge the bad shit that's statistically likely to happen where you live and do what you can to mitigate the risk.

How is it that all of these posts start out with a glib observation and then if I type enough shit I come up with a really reasonable, level-headed conclusion? That sucks.

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