I can't apologize for this one, though:
|Marvelous has one "r" and no "moo"s.|
I wish that butchering the English language was the only crime that occurred here. The greater crime is that committed against nature, happening right below the sign:
|Surprise! Your very existence is offensive.|
It's much more than just a moo-verlous cookie jar (at 30% off!).
The cow's legs are so short as to be vestigial. They're something evolution left around as a mocking reminder of all the great walking this cow could be doing. Instead, it bears its full weight on grotesquely swollen udders. The crime is existing and the sentence is a lifetime of waving its tiny legs around like cloven antennae and cursing the thing that bore it and refused to kill it.
I can't look at this thing and not think of an obscene, pagan fertility statue. Not Hathor, though. The Egyptians had class and this does not - and on top of that it probably predates the earliest dynastic rule by 1,000 years. I can pretty much guarantee that underneath that glossy glaze and cheery paint are the furtive chisel marks of a long dead stonecutter. If you opened the lid it would be filled with burnt offerings left by newlyweds for good luck.
|What I'm saying is it's the Venus of Willendorf, but a cow instead.|
I Get It, It's a Weird Jar
Wait! What about this brood of shambling child-things?
|Assure me that these do not crawl on their udders.|
This generously discounted cow jar just just sits there - reproducing asexually and suckling its horrible children. I blame Science - they've been trying to combine mammals and insects for years. This whole thing just doesn't sit well. I could swear I've seen this same set of traits before in a documentary by French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet. I just wish I could remember what it was called...
|Oh yeah, it was called Alien Resurrection and it kind of sucked.|
What bothers me most about this whole thing is that I didn't buy the coffee mugs (at 30% off!) when I got the chance and now I don't have anything to take to work and weird people out.
|Except this, I guess.|