19 August 2011

The Scientific Method

I thought I had it figured out.

I gave the world of food porn a cursory glance and said, "Yeah. I got this all figured out."

In my head I had devised a food porn machine. You just check the box next to "make better" and set the glisten slider to 95% and there you have it. Pictures for the most discerning palate.

Operating on this false, bold assumption I posed the question to no one in particular: Can all food be porn'd? Can any food item be photographed to within an inch of its life and slapped on the cover of Bon Ap├ętit? 

My head said yes -- but my gut said yes. 

I grabbed my digital picture machine and pointed it at the evening meal.

Nachos

This should be easy. Let's start with some golden sunlight streaming in on delicious ingredients.

Okay yeah, cheese. That looks pretty good.

Tortilla chips.
Good texture on these.

So far nachos pass the test. Things are looking good and graphic so let's keep building our plate of nachos.


Ground beef.
Kind of gross.

Alright well the ground beef is unappealing - but it's got the hallmark contrast, glisten and bokeh of any glossy food-magazine centerfold.

At this point things are looking a little shaky but I think our nachos are still doing fine. Let's throw some beans on this and call it a day.

Let me help.
"Plop."

That's... really unfortunate. There's plenty of texture but it's all the wrong kind. If this picture could talk it would say, "I came directly out of a can."

Then it would croak "Killlll meeeeee" like one of the cocooned colonists from Aliens.

Conclusion

Based on the evidence presented I would conclude that no, not all food can be porn'd.

At least, not yet.


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