08 January 2013


I'm currently trying to cut way back on my caffeine.

The chief driver behind this is that I can only maintain arousal with a pounding headache and the general feeling that comes with an unfocused, fuzzy brain. Caffeine headaches are a great way to do this.

Mostly I'm just drinking too much damn coffee. Coffee for the sake of drinking coffee. Cup after cup. Anemic, black office coffee. Complex (burnt-tasting) Starbucks coffee. Middle of the road coffee from places that aren't Starbucks.

As I have in the past, I'm becoming reacquainted with the persistent pain associated with caffeine withdrawals. Waking up with a headache is fun. Keeping that headache throughout the day is great too.

There is a "walking ghost" period that people experience when exposed to fatal levels of radiation (around 1000 REM). You get exposed, you're fine for a few days and then POW! Organ failure. I find that the first day after missing a caffeine dose is similar. You're fine. You think you've beaten this whole "addicted to caffeine" thing and you probably weren't addicted anyway! And your dick friends who smoke and tell you to try quitting caffeine so you can understand why quitting smoking is hard were talking out of their asses! It's a fine feeling of smugness that lasts for like, one entire sleep/wake cycle. Then you wake up the next morning and shit gets real. And it stays real for days.

Then you start rationalizing your caffeine intake. Sure those extra strength Tylenol have caffeine in them but they don't count because it's medicinal. And that Coke barely has any caffeine in it at all compared to four cups of coffee so I'm not even sure if I should count it either! And one cup of coffee is not nearly as bad as one pot of coffee so it's probably fine right?

Congratulations! You're addicted.

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