15 November 2013

101nd Post Spectacular!

Every time a TV show hits 100 episodes they always do something awesome like... like a clip show or a musical number or something.

I'll be observing my 101nd post (title pronounced "hundred and firstnd") by collecting something from some of my past posts and then doing something with those things.

[Edit: For some reason I let this one languish as a draft, so it's now the 10xnd post spectacular]

Let's begin!

"If I was at a dessert island, I'd probably go for carrot cake."

Mmmmm. I was in a hurry to get a first post out - It's two sentences and one of those two includes a grammatical error. Allow me to say now that I meant to say "on a dessert island". And to also apologize for the shitty pun.

"The crime is existing and the sentence is a lifetime of waving its tiny legs around like cloven antennae and cursing the thing that bore it and refused to kill it."

Not bad. I was full-on aping CRACKED at this point and I feel like I did a pretty good job of it here. Overwrought metaphors, generic referencies to eldritch horrors; these are the hallmarks of something written by one of their staff writers as opposed to a full-time columnist.

"Once the infrastructure is in place, I think Fruit by the Furlong will be a huge success."
Ha! Fruit by the Furlong! I kind of liked this one, because Fruit by the Furlong would actually require some extensive modifications to our basic infrastructure.
"And even if you did get your question answered by a doctor who also happened to be on the internet, I would follow up their answer with:
"Hey, shouldn't you be golfing!?" (Zing!)"
Doctor joke! It's pretty good.
"If a robot says that his job is killing him, he's probably being crushed to death by a giant cog when he says it."
This is a true statement.
"Like a game of chess, you get a free space in the middle of the board with no numbers on it."
Yep, pretty good. I'm sort of please with the misdirection in this metaphor.

"I usually run at the local velodrome. The sloped walls and smooth floor are more conducive to my average mile time: 1 minute."
Sometimes it's easier to resort to outright lies. This was one of those times.

"Do like... play beer pong, right? But with wasps instead of beer? And then if you lose dude you have to drink.


You have to drink wasps if you lose."

This one stands alone.


And that's it! Here's to x more posts, where x is equal to or greater than the current number of posts.

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